Hello. This blog is built to house bedtime stories as told by me, invented on the go, for my baby bear. My wife demands that I write them down, so here we are.
It all started a few years ago, when my baby bear discovered that he liked Three Little Pigs, and soon I found myself telling him the story night after night, and soon, the ending began to change on a nightly basis, then the beginning and the middle parts learned to mutate as well. At one point, the wolf ended up playing Playstation with the pigs. In another, a big bad pig brought a machine gun to bring down the three little wolves' space fortress. With a bit of prompting, my baby bear would chip in some of his own storytelling too, so it was all good.
He eventually had to grow out of 3LP, of course, and we moved on. Oh, he has his books. He has a massive Geronimo Stilton collection, his children's fairy tales and bible stories, and others. But he has long ago stopped asking me to read those to him, preferring that we create stories on the spot. Here you may find some of them, written as best as I can remember, from all those years ago, and years from now on.
the end.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Bradley the Party Dog
A story based on the true story of Bradley the Plant-Eating Dog. Totally not based on either of my two bosses named Bradley. Honest.
Once upon a time, a small dachshund named Bradley discovered the joys of eating plant.
He was bored out of his mind one evening in his little kennel, so he decided to pick the lock and he wandered into his humans’ lawn. He came upon one of the plants there, and thinking how mesmerizingly green it was in the moonlight, he concluded that he should munch on it. Munch, munch, munch. The experience was very blissful. It was like all the flavors, juiciness, crunchiness, and tastiness in the world had a convention in his mouth, and another in his tummy.
He went home to his little kennel, plopped down on the couch, and turned on his massive HD TV. But he couldn’t concentrate on his favorite TV show - he could not stop reliving the experience of eating the plant. “I have to dedicate my life to this,” he decided.
He spent the rest of the day planning on optimizing his next plant-eating. Sprawled on his couch, he flipped his laptop open and browsed through different websites and forums that had any content about plant-eating. He met a nice old dog named Bimbo, who seemed helpful to plant-eating newbies, in one of those forums. He reactivated his account in Dogface, a social site so popular that it had all the dogs in the world in it. He was too enamored in his endeavor that he was only slightly annoyed that he had to overhear his humans having an issue about some sort of destruction in their garden. “Humans and their apocalyptic paranoia,” he muttered, and carried on.
Soon, the humans started to wind down and went to bed. Bradley liked how the human world quieted down at this time of the day. He got up from his couch, ignored the bowl of dog food that his human placed on a corner of his kennel, and picked the lock of his door. Once again, the lawn was all his, and he was ready to apply everything he learned from the internet, and he was ready to do everything he prepared for.
He would not settle for a single plant this time. He harvested all he could carry and took his loot into his kennel. He tossed all of it into an awesome salad. He dove into the treasure chest sitting in one of the corners of his little kennel, and found an old disco mirrorball, and his old disco equipment from his DJ days. He hung the mirrorball from the center of his ceiling, and set up the rest of the equipment around his little kennel. It was party time! Tugzzz, tugzzz, tugzzz, the club sounds shook his little kennel into a delirious party setting. He simultaneously munched on the awesome salad and partied all night. “This is the best party ever!” he howled.
He was up early the next noon, and excitedly logged into Dogface to share his experience with his internet friends. He heard his humans discussing loudly about some sort of vandalism in their garden, or was it about some drunk neighborhood kids who kept them awake all night with loud music? It could be merely some weird human holiday ritual, thought Bradley. What mattered was that his friends were ecstatic about his experience. “You have a mirrorball? No way!” wrote Shadow the mongrel, on his Dogface wall.
“Listen,” he typed, “You guys who live nearby should come over tomorrow. Bring all the plants you can bring, and we’ll have the best party ever!”
And so it was set. He spent the night harvesting all the remaining plants in his humans’ property. He spared not a single blade of grass. He brought in a couple of additional couches into his little kennel, then made more of his awesome salad, which he kept in the huge refrigerator standing in one of the corners of his little kennel.
And what a party it was! Bradley’s friends brought huge bowls of awesome salad to mix with his own. “We spared not a single blade of grass in our humans’ properties,” they told him. Bradley and his friends gorged themselves in awesome salad all night. Munch, munch, munch. They danced and partied all night. Tugzzz, tugzzz, tugzzz. They bathed in divine disco light. Bradley’s kennel was a mess and he would end up repairing some parts of the floor, but he was too happy to care. “This is the best party ever!” he told Shadow the mongrel, who replied by nodding to the music beats.
The next noon, he listened to the radio while cleaning up and repairing his little kennel. There was a short interruption when a newscaster talked about the all world’s flora starting to be endangered because of a so-called canine threat. The newscaster sounded very worried, that it made Bradley worry, too. He caught up with Bimbo the old dog in Dogface, and they had a chat. “Say, these humans worry about an apocalypse,” he began. “What do you think? Maybe the worries I hear the humans go through daily might be huge, after all. I get lost with their technical human terms like ‘flora’, or ‘canine’, but they sound really worried, y’know?”
“Don’t sweat,” Bimbo assured him. “I know a dog who knows a dog who knows a dog who’s part of the Dog Science Society, and I hear it’s all about humans worrying too much about the supply of oxygen running low.”
“But that’s something to sweat about!” lamented Bradley, who's fond of breathing oxygen.
“Nah,” said Bimbo. “The Dog Science Society has secretly invented a giant fan, and they're about to install it close to the core of the earth. This awesome fan will generate a steady supply of processed oxygen into the surface. We'll continue to have the luxury of breathing oxygen. Don’t be like the humans worrying about nothing.”
Bradley was reassured. Feeling better, he suddenly had the best idea ever. “Listen, all you dogs,” he addressed all the dogs in the world in Dogface. “All of you come over to my little kennel tonight! Bring all the plants in the world, don’t you spare a single blade of grass, and we’ll have the best party ever!”
All the dogs in Dogface, meaning all the dogs in the world, said yes, and so it was set. They got into planes, ships, trains, buses, cars, cabs, and bikes, to make it on time for the best party ever in Bradley’s little kennel. Bradley had brought in a dozen more additional couches and added a second mirrorball, so all the dogs in the world got to party inside his little kennel. They all brought their huge bowls of awesome salad, and they said they spared not a single blade of grass in the world.
They gorged themselves in awesome salad all night: munch, munch, munch. They danced and nodded to the beats all night: tugzzz, tugzzz, tugzzz. They bathed in divine disco light. Bradley loved that he got to eat foreign plants. Seriously, it was the best party ever! Bradley’s little kennel was a mess beyond repair, and all the plant life in the world was consumed, so it was also the last party ever. But who cares? It was the best. Party. Ever.
The humans all over the world seemed to have gone crazy the following day, but it was okay, most likely they were just celebrating a new human millennium or something in typical human weirdness. It's a pity they didn't even know the best party ever happened in the world they lived in. Their fear of the oxygen running out didn't even happen, thanks to the Dog Science Society's secret awesome fan. Everything was cool, so Bradley didn’t find the need to learn more about the ‘flora’ and ‘canine’ technical stuff.
It was on a day when Bradley was reliving the spiritual experience of eating a pair of flip-flops when the zombies came and not a single blade of grass was there to stop them.
The end.
Once upon a time, a small dachshund named Bradley discovered the joys of eating plant.
He was bored out of his mind one evening in his little kennel, so he decided to pick the lock and he wandered into his humans’ lawn. He came upon one of the plants there, and thinking how mesmerizingly green it was in the moonlight, he concluded that he should munch on it. Munch, munch, munch. The experience was very blissful. It was like all the flavors, juiciness, crunchiness, and tastiness in the world had a convention in his mouth, and another in his tummy.
He went home to his little kennel, plopped down on the couch, and turned on his massive HD TV. But he couldn’t concentrate on his favorite TV show - he could not stop reliving the experience of eating the plant. “I have to dedicate my life to this,” he decided.
He spent the rest of the day planning on optimizing his next plant-eating. Sprawled on his couch, he flipped his laptop open and browsed through different websites and forums that had any content about plant-eating. He met a nice old dog named Bimbo, who seemed helpful to plant-eating newbies, in one of those forums. He reactivated his account in Dogface, a social site so popular that it had all the dogs in the world in it. He was too enamored in his endeavor that he was only slightly annoyed that he had to overhear his humans having an issue about some sort of destruction in their garden. “Humans and their apocalyptic paranoia,” he muttered, and carried on.
Soon, the humans started to wind down and went to bed. Bradley liked how the human world quieted down at this time of the day. He got up from his couch, ignored the bowl of dog food that his human placed on a corner of his kennel, and picked the lock of his door. Once again, the lawn was all his, and he was ready to apply everything he learned from the internet, and he was ready to do everything he prepared for.
He would not settle for a single plant this time. He harvested all he could carry and took his loot into his kennel. He tossed all of it into an awesome salad. He dove into the treasure chest sitting in one of the corners of his little kennel, and found an old disco mirrorball, and his old disco equipment from his DJ days. He hung the mirrorball from the center of his ceiling, and set up the rest of the equipment around his little kennel. It was party time! Tugzzz, tugzzz, tugzzz, the club sounds shook his little kennel into a delirious party setting. He simultaneously munched on the awesome salad and partied all night. “This is the best party ever!” he howled.
He was up early the next noon, and excitedly logged into Dogface to share his experience with his internet friends. He heard his humans discussing loudly about some sort of vandalism in their garden, or was it about some drunk neighborhood kids who kept them awake all night with loud music? It could be merely some weird human holiday ritual, thought Bradley. What mattered was that his friends were ecstatic about his experience. “You have a mirrorball? No way!” wrote Shadow the mongrel, on his Dogface wall.
“Listen,” he typed, “You guys who live nearby should come over tomorrow. Bring all the plants you can bring, and we’ll have the best party ever!”
And so it was set. He spent the night harvesting all the remaining plants in his humans’ property. He spared not a single blade of grass. He brought in a couple of additional couches into his little kennel, then made more of his awesome salad, which he kept in the huge refrigerator standing in one of the corners of his little kennel.
And what a party it was! Bradley’s friends brought huge bowls of awesome salad to mix with his own. “We spared not a single blade of grass in our humans’ properties,” they told him. Bradley and his friends gorged themselves in awesome salad all night. Munch, munch, munch. They danced and partied all night. Tugzzz, tugzzz, tugzzz. They bathed in divine disco light. Bradley’s kennel was a mess and he would end up repairing some parts of the floor, but he was too happy to care. “This is the best party ever!” he told Shadow the mongrel, who replied by nodding to the music beats.
The next noon, he listened to the radio while cleaning up and repairing his little kennel. There was a short interruption when a newscaster talked about the all world’s flora starting to be endangered because of a so-called canine threat. The newscaster sounded very worried, that it made Bradley worry, too. He caught up with Bimbo the old dog in Dogface, and they had a chat. “Say, these humans worry about an apocalypse,” he began. “What do you think? Maybe the worries I hear the humans go through daily might be huge, after all. I get lost with their technical human terms like ‘flora’, or ‘canine’, but they sound really worried, y’know?”
“Don’t sweat,” Bimbo assured him. “I know a dog who knows a dog who knows a dog who’s part of the Dog Science Society, and I hear it’s all about humans worrying too much about the supply of oxygen running low.”
“But that’s something to sweat about!” lamented Bradley, who's fond of breathing oxygen.
“Nah,” said Bimbo. “The Dog Science Society has secretly invented a giant fan, and they're about to install it close to the core of the earth. This awesome fan will generate a steady supply of processed oxygen into the surface. We'll continue to have the luxury of breathing oxygen. Don’t be like the humans worrying about nothing.”
Bradley was reassured. Feeling better, he suddenly had the best idea ever. “Listen, all you dogs,” he addressed all the dogs in the world in Dogface. “All of you come over to my little kennel tonight! Bring all the plants in the world, don’t you spare a single blade of grass, and we’ll have the best party ever!”
All the dogs in Dogface, meaning all the dogs in the world, said yes, and so it was set. They got into planes, ships, trains, buses, cars, cabs, and bikes, to make it on time for the best party ever in Bradley’s little kennel. Bradley had brought in a dozen more additional couches and added a second mirrorball, so all the dogs in the world got to party inside his little kennel. They all brought their huge bowls of awesome salad, and they said they spared not a single blade of grass in the world.
They gorged themselves in awesome salad all night: munch, munch, munch. They danced and nodded to the beats all night: tugzzz, tugzzz, tugzzz. They bathed in divine disco light. Bradley loved that he got to eat foreign plants. Seriously, it was the best party ever! Bradley’s little kennel was a mess beyond repair, and all the plant life in the world was consumed, so it was also the last party ever. But who cares? It was the best. Party. Ever.
The humans all over the world seemed to have gone crazy the following day, but it was okay, most likely they were just celebrating a new human millennium or something in typical human weirdness. It's a pity they didn't even know the best party ever happened in the world they lived in. Their fear of the oxygen running out didn't even happen, thanks to the Dog Science Society's secret awesome fan. Everything was cool, so Bradley didn’t find the need to learn more about the ‘flora’ and ‘canine’ technical stuff.
It was on a day when Bradley was reliving the spiritual experience of eating a pair of flip-flops when the zombies came and not a single blade of grass was there to stop them.
The end.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
The Baby Bear with Three Eyebrows
Once upon a time, there was a baby bear who woke up one morning to find that his face has grown a third eyebrow. He was washing his face as part of his daily waking up routine when his fingers scrubbed hair in place of bare skin in between his two other eyebrows. "Woah," said the baby bear. He patted his face dry with a towel and inspected his face in the bathroom mirror.
He thought this new unique trait should set him apart from other baby bears, which was very cool. "This is very cool," he said.
He dressed up and ate a bowl of champorado for breakfast, and drank a bottle of milk. He brushed his teeth after, combed his hair, and he was ready to begin his first day as a baby bear with three eyebrows.
As he walked the path from his front door to his gate, he greeted his pet mongrel Shadow, who was sprawled in the grass on the front lawn. "Hey, Shadow. Guess what? I have --- "
"Mwahahahahaha!" Shadow blurted out, paws on his tummy, humor tears sprinkling out of his eyes. "Baby bear, you have one eyebrow!"
"No," protested the baby bear. "I've got three, but they're so close together that they look like a single eyebrow."
But Shadow was too busy rolling across the lawn and hysterically laughing to hear him.
"Oh, whatever," said the baby bear, and he walked down the street.
"Hey, baby bear," someone chirped from above. He looked up and saw a couple of maya birds perched on a high branch of a tree.
"Hey, maya birds," he replied. "Guess what? I have --- "
"Heeeheeeheeeheehee!" giggled the maya birds. "Baby bear, you've got one eyebrow!"
"No," protested the baby bear. "I've got three, but they're so close together that they look like a single eyebrow."
But the maya birds were so busy laughing to hear him, and couldn't help but topple over into a bush.
The baby bear left them stuck and laughing and walked off his annoyance towards a nearby mall. He went into the small grocery in the basement and as he put his bottle of milk before the cashier, she said, "Hey, baby bear, do you know that you have one eyebrow?" And before he could protest, she started laughing so hard her socks and shoes flew off.
"Hhhhh... that's it!" said the baby bear, storming off and leaving the milk and the laughing cashier. He went up the second floor of the mall and into the barber shop there.
"No comments about my eyebrow! I mean, eyebrows!" he yelled at his favorite barber, who was reading the newspaper, whose headline read: Baby Bear With A Single Eyebrow Spotted. "And no laughing about the matter, either!"
"OK," said the barber, and he took out his barber kit.
"Listen," said the baby bear, "I have three - three! Eyebrows. They're so close together that they look like one. Shave off the third one to get this over with."
"OK," said the barber. "Go ahead and hop up on your favorite barber shop chair,"
"Nope," said the baby bear. "Do it right here where I'm standing, right now. The sooner it's done, the better."
"OK," said the barber.
"Done," said the barber.
"Thank you," said the baby bear, and he gave the barber a handsome tip, and hurried home - he's running late for his violin practice.
When he reached home, Shadow was resting under the shadow of the water apple tree. The mongrel commented, "Hey, baby bear, nice single eyebrow, Bro." And he got busy rolling across the lawn and hysterically laughing his canine ass off.
Puzzled, the baby bear went inside and checked the mirror. "Oh no," he said, "That stupid barber shaved off my left eyebrow instead of the middle one!"
He thought this new unique trait should set him apart from other baby bears, which was very cool. "This is very cool," he said.
He dressed up and ate a bowl of champorado for breakfast, and drank a bottle of milk. He brushed his teeth after, combed his hair, and he was ready to begin his first day as a baby bear with three eyebrows.
As he walked the path from his front door to his gate, he greeted his pet mongrel Shadow, who was sprawled in the grass on the front lawn. "Hey, Shadow. Guess what? I have --- "
"Mwahahahahaha!" Shadow blurted out, paws on his tummy, humor tears sprinkling out of his eyes. "Baby bear, you have one eyebrow!"
"No," protested the baby bear. "I've got three, but they're so close together that they look like a single eyebrow."
But Shadow was too busy rolling across the lawn and hysterically laughing to hear him.
"Oh, whatever," said the baby bear, and he walked down the street.
"Hey, baby bear," someone chirped from above. He looked up and saw a couple of maya birds perched on a high branch of a tree.
"Hey, maya birds," he replied. "Guess what? I have --- "
"Heeeheeeheeeheehee!" giggled the maya birds. "Baby bear, you've got one eyebrow!"
"No," protested the baby bear. "I've got three, but they're so close together that they look like a single eyebrow."
But the maya birds were so busy laughing to hear him, and couldn't help but topple over into a bush.
The baby bear left them stuck and laughing and walked off his annoyance towards a nearby mall. He went into the small grocery in the basement and as he put his bottle of milk before the cashier, she said, "Hey, baby bear, do you know that you have one eyebrow?" And before he could protest, she started laughing so hard her socks and shoes flew off.
"Hhhhh... that's it!" said the baby bear, storming off and leaving the milk and the laughing cashier. He went up the second floor of the mall and into the barber shop there.
"No comments about my eyebrow! I mean, eyebrows!" he yelled at his favorite barber, who was reading the newspaper, whose headline read: Baby Bear With A Single Eyebrow Spotted. "And no laughing about the matter, either!"
"OK," said the barber, and he took out his barber kit.
"Listen," said the baby bear, "I have three - three! Eyebrows. They're so close together that they look like one. Shave off the third one to get this over with."
"OK," said the barber. "Go ahead and hop up on your favorite barber shop chair,"
"Nope," said the baby bear. "Do it right here where I'm standing, right now. The sooner it's done, the better."
"OK," said the barber.
"Done," said the barber.
"Thank you," said the baby bear, and he gave the barber a handsome tip, and hurried home - he's running late for his violin practice.
When he reached home, Shadow was resting under the shadow of the water apple tree. The mongrel commented, "Hey, baby bear, nice single eyebrow, Bro." And he got busy rolling across the lawn and hysterically laughing his canine ass off.
Puzzled, the baby bear went inside and checked the mirror. "Oh no," he said, "That stupid barber shaved off my left eyebrow instead of the middle one!"
Monday, August 24, 2015
Hay Naku, Vampire
Once upon a time, a legendary vampire heard of Gremmie, the baby bear of Cebu. "It's said that this baby bear's blood tastes like the best milk ever," his friends told him. "If you drink a single drop, it will make your fangs sparkle and your breath smell like fresh chrysanthemums in a funeral that you will never have to brush your teeth after every meal, forever," they said.
So the vampire resolved to leave his dark castle in the dark forest in the dark mountains of his dark country, and flapped his wings to fly over continents and oceans. He travelled by night, and by day he hid in caves or checked in vampire hotels. He got hungry after a few days, but decided to hold off feeding so that every space in his tummy would be reserved for Gremmie's tasty blood.
When he saw the city of Cebu looming ahead, he was giddy with excitement! "Ooooh, I can't wait!"
He saw the runway of the Cebu International Airport was clear, so he approached for landing. He stretched his wings and curled his toes and pushed his chin outwards, like a proper vampire approaching landing. But as he was a couple of feet away from the ground, a scheduled blackout hit, as the local electric company was doing maintenance on the runway. "Wait, what?!" exclaimed the vampire, and he lost his proper form and lost his balance in mid-air. He touched down with his chin, said ouch, stumbled, flipped over, tripped, said ouch, stumbled, flipped over, and tripped, and again and again all the way into a ditch by the runway.
"Hay naku!" he said, as he pulled himself out of the ditch and dusted off his ruined suit.
He took a deep breath and calmed himself down, thinking of the sweet blood he came here for. He gave his wings a good stretch, and assumed position: his wings and chin pointed upwards, knees and elbows bent. Like a proper vampire about to take off. He took another deep breath, then up, up he went! Up, up, into the tangle of electric wires just outside the airport. "Aaaaaargh!" he screamed as high volts of electricity coursed through his body, hair, and teeth. A final jolt of electricity tossed him across the street outside the airport, where a speeding white 2014 Ford Fiesta wagon almost hit him. A street lamp post stopped his tumble with a loud clank as his forehead met the metal.
He said ouch, and he groaned, "Hay naku!"
He recovered soon, and finally understood that Cebu is a deadly city full of electric traps. He was not very experienced with electricity, as the nightly full moon, his castle's candles, and torchlight thanks to puny angry villagers at his castle gates were generally sufficient sources of light in his part of the world. He hatched up a plan to fly over roads, alongside the power lines to make sure he'd be safe. And of course, he'd fly just low enough to avoid the tangles over intersections, but also high enough to avoid this city's wagons. If anything, he was very good at this. He went to a reputable vampire flight school, as you could tell with his pristine form.
He stopped a few times to hypnotize young ladies so that they'd give him directions to Gremmie's castle. Soon he neared the great bridge connecting the airport island to the island where Gremmie's castle stood, and he gaped at the amazing display of lights all over the huge structure. He decided to take in the nice view, flying by the side of the bridge and studying the concrete and metal works. He thought that he should take some notes later so he could share it with his architects and engineers back home to reinforce his castle's moat's drawbridges. He was halfway across the bridge when a large truck zoomed past, sending a strong gust of wind towards him and he wasn't ready for it. "Oh no!" he said as he lost his perfect form again, and splash! He took a plunge into the murky waters right between the islands.
"Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle... hay naku!" he gasped, as he tried his best to swim ashore. Then he realized he swam to the shore of the airport island, instead of the island where Castle Gremmie was. "Hay naku!" he had to say again.
Then, he discovered that with his wings all wet, he had to wait and let them dry before he could take flight again. He pressed his pale, wet face into his pale, wet palms. "Haaaaay nakuuuu!"
He used his waiting time to plan a better route. He found another young lady alone to hypnotize to help him with his plan. Luckily for him, she worked in the other island, so she had a good understanding of the city's routes. Together, they hatched a perfect plan! He happily released her from being enthralled, and resumed his quest for Gremmie's sweet, sweet blood.
At long last, he found himself before Castle Gremmie. He was almost disappointed that it was a puny castle, it had no moats, no drawbridges, no ramparts, no turrets, and it was a piece of cake flying over the low wall and evading the sleepy groundskeeper and his hounds. The door was locked, but he mumbled a nifty old spell that reduced his size until he could fit through the space between the door and the floor. Finally, he was inside!
He crept into Gremmie's room, and found neither wards nor guards to stop him. He was trembling with excitement. He grew himself back to his normal size, took a deep breath, then leaped onto Gremmie's bed! Only to find it empty! "Wait, what?!" he was confused. He checked under the bed, peered in the closets, inspected the bathroom, looked in the attic, but no one was there. His eyes chanced upon a journal by the side of the bed, and he reached for it. The bookmark was at the last entry (for that very day), so he got to read that right away, in Gremmie's chicken-scratch handwriting: "This is it. Weeks-long Christmas vacation! Heading off to Cagayan de Oro this morning, to Lolo and Lola's house! Yaaaay!"
"Hay n... " the vampire started to say, but then sunlight burst through the open windows, and he realized that due to all those delays and with his own excitement causing him to be neglectful, dawn had crept up on him. He exploded into millions and millions of particles of dust.
Two weeks later, Gremmie, energized from his memorable vacation, dashed into his room. His smile quickly turned into a gape. "Hay naku! Why is my room so dusty?!"
the end.
So the vampire resolved to leave his dark castle in the dark forest in the dark mountains of his dark country, and flapped his wings to fly over continents and oceans. He travelled by night, and by day he hid in caves or checked in vampire hotels. He got hungry after a few days, but decided to hold off feeding so that every space in his tummy would be reserved for Gremmie's tasty blood.
When he saw the city of Cebu looming ahead, he was giddy with excitement! "Ooooh, I can't wait!"
He saw the runway of the Cebu International Airport was clear, so he approached for landing. He stretched his wings and curled his toes and pushed his chin outwards, like a proper vampire approaching landing. But as he was a couple of feet away from the ground, a scheduled blackout hit, as the local electric company was doing maintenance on the runway. "Wait, what?!" exclaimed the vampire, and he lost his proper form and lost his balance in mid-air. He touched down with his chin, said ouch, stumbled, flipped over, tripped, said ouch, stumbled, flipped over, and tripped, and again and again all the way into a ditch by the runway.
"Hay naku!" he said, as he pulled himself out of the ditch and dusted off his ruined suit.
He took a deep breath and calmed himself down, thinking of the sweet blood he came here for. He gave his wings a good stretch, and assumed position: his wings and chin pointed upwards, knees and elbows bent. Like a proper vampire about to take off. He took another deep breath, then up, up he went! Up, up, into the tangle of electric wires just outside the airport. "Aaaaaargh!" he screamed as high volts of electricity coursed through his body, hair, and teeth. A final jolt of electricity tossed him across the street outside the airport, where a speeding white 2014 Ford Fiesta wagon almost hit him. A street lamp post stopped his tumble with a loud clank as his forehead met the metal.
He said ouch, and he groaned, "Hay naku!"
He recovered soon, and finally understood that Cebu is a deadly city full of electric traps. He was not very experienced with electricity, as the nightly full moon, his castle's candles, and torchlight thanks to puny angry villagers at his castle gates were generally sufficient sources of light in his part of the world. He hatched up a plan to fly over roads, alongside the power lines to make sure he'd be safe. And of course, he'd fly just low enough to avoid the tangles over intersections, but also high enough to avoid this city's wagons. If anything, he was very good at this. He went to a reputable vampire flight school, as you could tell with his pristine form.
He stopped a few times to hypnotize young ladies so that they'd give him directions to Gremmie's castle. Soon he neared the great bridge connecting the airport island to the island where Gremmie's castle stood, and he gaped at the amazing display of lights all over the huge structure. He decided to take in the nice view, flying by the side of the bridge and studying the concrete and metal works. He thought that he should take some notes later so he could share it with his architects and engineers back home to reinforce his castle's moat's drawbridges. He was halfway across the bridge when a large truck zoomed past, sending a strong gust of wind towards him and he wasn't ready for it. "Oh no!" he said as he lost his perfect form again, and splash! He took a plunge into the murky waters right between the islands.
"Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle... hay naku!" he gasped, as he tried his best to swim ashore. Then he realized he swam to the shore of the airport island, instead of the island where Castle Gremmie was. "Hay naku!" he had to say again.
Then, he discovered that with his wings all wet, he had to wait and let them dry before he could take flight again. He pressed his pale, wet face into his pale, wet palms. "Haaaaay nakuuuu!"
He used his waiting time to plan a better route. He found another young lady alone to hypnotize to help him with his plan. Luckily for him, she worked in the other island, so she had a good understanding of the city's routes. Together, they hatched a perfect plan! He happily released her from being enthralled, and resumed his quest for Gremmie's sweet, sweet blood.
At long last, he found himself before Castle Gremmie. He was almost disappointed that it was a puny castle, it had no moats, no drawbridges, no ramparts, no turrets, and it was a piece of cake flying over the low wall and evading the sleepy groundskeeper and his hounds. The door was locked, but he mumbled a nifty old spell that reduced his size until he could fit through the space between the door and the floor. Finally, he was inside!
He crept into Gremmie's room, and found neither wards nor guards to stop him. He was trembling with excitement. He grew himself back to his normal size, took a deep breath, then leaped onto Gremmie's bed! Only to find it empty! "Wait, what?!" he was confused. He checked under the bed, peered in the closets, inspected the bathroom, looked in the attic, but no one was there. His eyes chanced upon a journal by the side of the bed, and he reached for it. The bookmark was at the last entry (for that very day), so he got to read that right away, in Gremmie's chicken-scratch handwriting: "This is it. Weeks-long Christmas vacation! Heading off to Cagayan de Oro this morning, to Lolo and Lola's house! Yaaaay!"
"Hay n... " the vampire started to say, but then sunlight burst through the open windows, and he realized that due to all those delays and with his own excitement causing him to be neglectful, dawn had crept up on him. He exploded into millions and millions of particles of dust.
Two weeks later, Gremmie, energized from his memorable vacation, dashed into his room. His smile quickly turned into a gape. "Hay naku! Why is my room so dusty?!"
the end.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Officer Gremmie and Officer Cookie
Once upon a time, there were two cops. They were as tight as no other. Friends from the academy and eventually partners in the force, officers Gremmie and Cookie were inseparable.
Then one day, officer Gremmie got hungry.
The end.
Then one day, officer Gremmie got hungry.
The end.
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