Hay Naku, Vampire

Once upon a time, a legendary vampire heard of Gremmie, the baby bear of Cebu. "It's said that this baby bear's blood tastes like the best milk ever," his friends told him. "If you drink a single drop, it will make your fangs sparkle and your breath smell like fresh chrysanthemums in a funeral that you will never have to brush your teeth after every meal, forever," they said.

So the vampire resolved to leave his dark castle in the dark forest in the dark mountains of his dark country, and flapped his wings to fly over continents and oceans. He travelled by night, and by day he hid in caves or checked in vampire hotels. He got hungry after a few days, but decided to hold off feeding so that every space in his tummy would be reserved for Gremmie's tasty blood.

When he saw the city of Cebu looming ahead, he was giddy with excitement! "Ooooh, I can't wait!"

He saw the runway of the Cebu International Airport was clear, so he approached for landing. He stretched his wings and curled his toes and pushed his chin outwards, like a proper vampire approaching landing. But as he was a couple of feet away from the ground, a scheduled blackout hit, as the local electric company was doing maintenance on the runway. "Wait, what?!" exclaimed the vampire, and he lost his proper form and lost his balance in mid-air. He touched down with his chin, said ouch, stumbled, flipped over, tripped, said ouch, stumbled, flipped over, and tripped, and again and again all the way into a ditch by the runway.

"Hay naku!" he said, as he pulled himself out of the ditch and dusted off his ruined suit.

He took a deep breath and calmed himself down, thinking of the sweet blood he came here for. He gave his wings a good stretch, and assumed position: his wings and chin pointed upwards, knees and elbows bent. Like a proper vampire about to take off. He took another deep breath, then up, up he went! Up, up, into the tangle of electric wires just outside the airport. "Aaaaaargh!" he screamed as high volts of electricity coursed through his body, hair, and teeth. A final jolt of electricity tossed him across the street outside the airport, where a speeding white 2014 Ford Fiesta wagon almost hit him. A street lamp post stopped his tumble with a loud clank as his forehead met the metal.

He said ouch, and he groaned, "Hay naku!"

He recovered soon, and finally understood that Cebu is a deadly city full of electric traps. He was not very experienced with electricity, as the nightly full moon, his castle's candles, and torchlight thanks to puny angry villagers at his castle gates were generally sufficient sources of light in his part of the world. He hatched up a plan to fly over roads, alongside the power lines to make sure he'd be safe. And of course, he'd fly just low enough to avoid the tangles over intersections, but also high enough to avoid this city's wagons. If anything, he was very good at this. He went to a reputable vampire flight school, as you could tell with his pristine form.

He stopped a few times to hypnotize young ladies so that they'd give him directions to Gremmie's castle. Soon he neared the great bridge connecting the airport island to the island where Gremmie's castle stood, and he gaped at the amazing display of lights all over the huge structure. He decided to take in the nice view, flying by the side of the bridge and studying the concrete and metal works. He thought that he should take some notes later so he could share it with his architects and engineers back home to reinforce his castle's moat's drawbridges. He was halfway across the bridge when a large truck zoomed past, sending a strong gust of wind towards him and he wasn't ready for it. "Oh no!" he said as he lost his perfect form again, and splash! He took a plunge into the murky waters right between the islands.

"Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle... hay naku!" he gasped, as he tried his best to swim ashore. Then he realized he swam to the shore of the airport island, instead of the island where Castle Gremmie was. "Hay naku!" he had to say again.

Then, he discovered that with his wings all wet, he had to wait and let them dry before he could take flight again. He pressed his pale, wet face into his pale, wet palms. "Haaaaay nakuuuu!"

He used his waiting time to plan a better route. He found another young lady alone to hypnotize to help him with his plan. Luckily for him, she worked in the other island, so she had a good understanding of the city's routes. Together, they hatched a perfect plan! He happily released her from being enthralled, and resumed his quest for Gremmie's sweet, sweet blood.

At long last, he found himself before Castle Gremmie. He was almost disappointed that it was a puny castle, it had no moats, no drawbridges, no ramparts, no turrets, and it was a piece of cake flying over the low wall and evading the sleepy groundskeeper and his hounds. The door was locked, but he mumbled a nifty old spell that reduced his size until he could fit through the space between the door and the floor. Finally, he was inside!

He crept into Gremmie's room, and found neither wards nor guards to stop him. He was trembling with excitement. He grew himself back to his normal size, took a deep breath, then leaped onto Gremmie's bed! Only to find it empty! "Wait, what?!" he was confused. He checked under the bed, peered in the closets, inspected the bathroom, looked in the attic, but no one was there. His eyes chanced upon a journal by the side of the bed, and he reached for it. The bookmark was at the last entry (for that very day), so he got to read that right away, in Gremmie's chicken-scratch handwriting: "This is it. Weeks-long Christmas vacation! Heading off to Cagayan de Oro this morning, to Lolo and Lola's house! Yaaaay!"

"Hay n... " the vampire started to say, but then sunlight burst through the open windows, and he realized that due to all those delays and with his own excitement causing him to be neglectful, dawn had crept up on him. He exploded into millions and millions of particles of dust.


Two weeks later, Gremmie, energized from his memorable vacation, dashed into his room. His smile quickly turned into a gape. "Hay naku! Why is my room so dusty?!"


the end.